My Perception of the Typical Trumpkin

I’m not talking about the merely anti-Clinton voter.

This is about the people that actually support Trump, for Trump. As in, they think he will be a good President, and Make America Great Again. They believe this because they are stubbornly pig-ignorant of Trump’s actual character, as revealed through his public actions, over decades of celebrity life. There are also those who only pretend to believe, because they think they’re going to get a shot on The Apprentice or something. Or they just don’t fucking care, because they are shitty people.

The Trumpkins. Trumpians. Trumpoids. Whatever.

These are the assholes tirelessly retweeted as mockery by the likes of Jim Treacher [@jtlol] and Stephen Miller [@redsteeze]. There are, of course, many of them who are occupied in other ways, making life worse for everyone, for I have an absolute certainty that the Trumpkins do not live otherwise blameless lives.

I think they are the sort of men who go into stalls in public restrooms and piss in the general direction of the back wall, and definitely don’t wash their hands on the way out. The minority of them who are female are the ones leaving used tampons on the floor and shitting on the seats. They don’t wash their hands either.

I assume, as drivers, they customarily and constantly tailgate, fail to signal, and prefer to pass on the right. When bored with this, they drive well under the speed limit in the passing lane, pace you in your blind spot, and drive with one foot on the brake.

I doubt most Trumpkins vote in most elections, but I guarantee they always, always complain bitterly [as they do most things] about the results of elections and the actions of government at all levels, except for those few of them who sit on HOA committees and school boards and city councils. Those ones? They continually ratchet up governmental [and quasi-governmental] interference in the rest of our lives.

They’re the dumb fucks who can’t tell the difference between a mosque and a Sikh temple, much less fathom that the religions espoused within are actually different. I think the idiot who just days ago caused a two hour flight delay because she was frightened by mathematical symbols has to be a Trumpkin. How could she not?

In short, Trumpkins are the sort of garbage people who make the rest of us sort-of wish for a The Stand-style plague or Zombie Apocalypse. Then, when the Trumpkins show up following a Flagg or Negan [because of course they would], we could finally solve all their problems in an appropriate manner.